In a few hours, I will face another series of “firsts.” My first Thanksgiving without my husband. My first time getting together with several members of his family in Chicago—Charlie’s absence acutely obvious. On top of that, Friday would have been his sixty-second birthday.
I’ve shed more than a few tears these past few days. None of this is easy. It won’t be for a long time. I miss Charlie so much. Yet even though I don’t pretend to understand the timing of his death, I know he is in God’s presence in an amazing way. I know, because I’ve experienced that same closeness.
You see, on October 3, 2005, my own heart stopped beating. While I was undergoing a heart catheterization, I went into a fatal arrhythmia. After shocking my heart and pumping me full of drugs for seven minutes, my heart began to beat again. Although initially, I exhibited signs of a profound stroke, in the end I made a miraculous recovery.
Despite my lack of memory of those seven minutes, I suddenly had a profound longing for God that I couldn’t explain. All I knew was that I missed Him. For several weeks it felt as though I no longer belonged here.
There have been moments in my grief that I’ve tried to figure out the impossible. To somehow convince God to rewind time. To give my husband back to me.
But then I come to my senses. I realize how much I would be cheating him. Even if I thought I could somehow pull off his return, I know I couldn’t bring myself to make such a request. If I longed to return to God after only seven minutes, how much more excruciating would it be for Charlie to leave heaven after being there for seven months?
Today, I’m thankful for my husband’s life. I’m thankful for almost thirty-eight years of being together, in the good times and the not so good times. Each day was a gift. I’m thankful that he’s no longer suffering, and that he’s experiencing things I long to experience. Someday I will see him again, and that will be a day of great rejoicing!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I pray you enjoy the day, telling the people you hold dear how much you love them. Treasure the moments you spend together. Most of all, I pray that you seek a relationship with Jesus Christ. The Bible says if you seek God you will find Him, if you search for Him with all your heart. He loves you, and His arms are open wide.
Jenny, my heart hurts with you. You’ve so beautifully described knowing intimately where Charlie is now. Asking, no, pleading with God to saturate you with His great love, His comfort, His peace. God will never leave you or forsake you. He weeps with you. Praying hard, sweet friend, that God will overflow the void with Himself. Love you so much.?
Thank you dear friend! The Lord continues to comfort me. Your prayers mean so much!
Oh Jenny, Charlie was such a remarkable man. He saw the goodness in Randy and helped to bring him to God. As much as I wouldn’t want to loose Randy I understand that I wouldn’t want him back after he was gone. I know without a doubt he would be with Jesus. I thank Charlie for this.
Oh Ann I’m so grateful the Lord used Charlie in your lives. Isn’t God so good! Love and hugs♥️🌸♥️
Jenny, It is hard for me to realize how long it has been since you were a part of our youth group at our church in Fl. You have come a long way, as well as I. There have been many ups and downs, hard times and good ones, but in spite of us, the Lord has remained faithful! I am so proud of the godly woman you have become.
Thank you Becky! I will always cherish the times we spent together. You were such an encouragement at such an awkward stage in my life. The extra love and attention you gave me as a teenager stayed with me all my life. ♥️💕♥️
Jenny you are always in my prayers. God bless you.
Thank you my friend. That means so much! Even tho we’re far apart I will never forget our times together. God bless you♥️