Treasured Memories

If Charlie were still here, September first would have found us celebrating our thirty-eighth wedding anniversary. Needless to say, it was a rough weekend. I hear the first holiday or special celebration is the worst. All I know is I’m not sure from one moment to the next how I will feel or what I will need to face.

The morning prior to my anniversary found me at my favorite coffee shop. With no one sitting in the cozy seating area, I was free to journal and to reflect. Although part of that time was painful, there were also some happy tears shed for the life we shared.

One memory that is very special happened during a vacation to California a couple of years ago. It was almost the end of a fabulous week. The two of us had traipsed all over Charlie’s hometown, San Luis Obispo. We had so much fun playing tourists in his old stomping grounds. With our mutual love of the ocean, it was especially fun visiting every beach along the coast.

Our last stop was San Simeon. We planned to head out the next morning in order to make our flight, but I couldn’t resist one more walk on a beach. With the time crunch, it would have to be at sunrise. Perfect.

When I told Charlie what I wanted to do, he gave me a look that said he knew my other motive as well–one more chance to search for gifts from the sea. I’m a vagabond at heart and love collecting shells, stones, and sea glass. Thankfully he good-naturedly agreed.

Waking early, we grabbed a cup of coffee and headed for the beach. Since it was dark except for a faint glow to the east, we sat on the sand to wait, snuggling close.

Before long, the sun began to paint the sky with the first blush of pink. Although there was a thick bank of clouds, underneath was a clear expanse of sky. It became the perfect backdrop for a spectacular display of God’s handiwork.

Soon, the water’s edge was awash with shades of pink, peach, and gold. I was amazed at all the stones that were there. It looked as though several dump trucks had off-loaded a ton of rocks. Picking through the bounty I found an incredible variety of stones, as well as a few shells and pieces of sea glass. Soon, my bag was full.

Meanwhile, Charlie was taking hundreds of pictures—something he loved to do. With the old pier as part of the view, I knew he would get some amazing shots. He even joined in the fun by bringing me a few rocks to add to my collection.

Just before we headed back to our hotel, a woman walked onto the beach. After striking up a conversation, I learned she worked nearby and often stopped at that particular beach to search for sea glass. She proudly told me she had a large mason jar full of beautiful pieces of glass that had somehow survived the pounding of the ocean’s waves.

One comment, however, took me by surprise. The woman said there usually weren’t many rocks on the beach. That the prior morning there had been only a fraction of what was currently there.

For a moment I was puzzled, but soon I couldn’t hold back my smile. While some might think it silly, I immediately knew God had made sure there were plenty of rocks for me. I also believe he’d provided one of the most spectacular sunrises I had ever seen. God delights in giving good gifts to His children!

I had no way of knowing that would be the last time Charlie and I would walk a beach together. My husband died suddenly this past April.

It shocks me how quickly I’ve begun to adjust to “life without Charlie.” I miss him so much. Sometimes I wonder how I can still be breathing. Whenever I can, though, I try to look through the lens of gratitude. One of the biggest blessings I have is so many precious memories. I will always cherish each moment spent with the man I loved and who loved me.

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