A lot has been happening since I last blogged…two retreats and a trip to Haiti to name a few…phew!!!
I am also in the midst of transition, as I pass the baton of being the nurse manager at the pregnancy center where I’ve worked for the past seven years. I will be dropping my hours to two days per week, in order to pursue writing and speaking opportunities. There are books in my head, but very little time to allow them to bloom!
As I juggle old responsibilities along with new ones, I’ve had to remind myself of something the Lord gave me several years ago: I have nothing to prove.
As I’ve spoken this statement to people in various settings, it never fails to elicit a response. I’ve realized that I’m certainly not alone in the vicious cycle of trying to measure up!
Whether we realize it or not, we have been raised in a culture that teaches us to see life as a competition. How do I measure up? How do I compare with so and so?
Unconsciously we can enter a new situation and immediately “take the temperature” of the room. We compare ourselves with others in terms of appearance or abilities, and begin evaluating ourselves according to our own expectations as well as everyone else’s…how sad!
Everyone is different, but I don’t believe any of us are immune to this tendency…and the result is often a distorted sense of self and others. When we compare ourselves with someone else we can fall into the trap of either feeling “less than”, or in some way feeling superior.
Either way it erects walls that prevent us from truly appreciating each other, or from enjoying who God designed us to be.
Instead of looking horizontally to see how we measure up, we need to lift our eyes to the One with whom there is no comparison! God wants us to get our value and approval from Him…not others.
At the foot of the cross, we find a great equalizer. We are all sinners in need of God’s grace, are we not?
This can actually be very liberating. When we catch ourselves in the comparison trap, we need to look up, at the righteousness and purity of God. As we gaze into His eyes of love, we will sense how very much we are loved and valued. At the same time, we will be unable to feel superior in any way, because we will remember that apart from the Lord we can’t do anything!
The more I look to Jesus for my value and security, the less I will need the approval of others. God has shown me over and over that I am precious to Him…and so is everyone else.
Recently I heard a quote that said something like, “If you’re always trying to be what others want you to be, then who’s playing you?” That’s so true! I can honestly say that I don’t want to be anyone but my truest self. I want to step into all that God has for me.
I am grateful to the Lord for the measure of healing that I have experienced, particularly in the last few years. Yet I suspect there will always be vestiges of this struggle, for as long as I remain in a fallen world. So I will need to look up often, and see life from God’s perspective. That’s the only one that counts.
How about you? I pray that you choose more and more to throw away the measuring stick, and to instead look to Jesus Christ for your sense of value. There is tremendous freedom in being who God has called you to be!
Jenny, thank you so much for this. I have spent my entire life feeling defeated, and deeply craving approval and understanding. Literally, just now, as I thought about journalling or reading, I was crying out to God to show me!! I saw your blog title in my inbox, and decided to read it. I sooooo need to figure out how to allow myself this freedom!!!!!!!
You are sooooo amazingly beautiful. I’ve never forgotten you.
I love you,
Emily
I love you too Em. I wish I lived closer so I could get together with you! Remember that this is a journey, and we are all in the process of learning how to fix our eyes on Jesus, and to let go of whatever is weighing us down. Obviously God is listening, or I wouldn’t have written this entry at such a perfect timing for you! don’t give up…He’s right there cheering you on!